Monday, January 10, 2011

Tick Tock

At this point, it was now a waiting game.  Kinda like sitting on a time bomb.  Tick Tock.  At any time the phone could ring and there could be a baby waiting, while on the other hand, it could be a long wait.  So, you see, just because we moved on to adopting, we still were not without the rollercoaster ride of emotion.  I was ready to take it on.  I was just hoping that the anticipation wasn't going to make us nuts.  We were still going through the details of the home study, getting state and city security clearances, and we still needed to get physicals. 

Journal entry dated October 12, 2000 - I realized that this week marks the 5 year point since we started trying to have children.  We started 2 months after getting married. 
We were ready.  I remember talking about kids on our first date.  On the second date, we went to dinner at and sat there for about 4 hours talking about everything under the sun.  I should probably mention that when Jerry and I first met, we were at a party.  A birthday party for a guy that I went to high school with and then Jerry met in college.  We talked briefly, but I was NOT looking for a boyfriend.  At the end of the night, he asked me for my number and told me that he was leaving the next day for a business trip and would be gone for a month, but could he call me.  I gave it to him and didn't think that much of it.  He was cute and all, but I wasn't looking for Mr. Right at the time.  He called me from the road and we talked for about 3 hours that first night.   I was so surprised.  He was pretty cool.  Every night after that, I hoped to hear from him and when I did, it was hours of talking.  We hadn't even been on a date yet and I was falling for the guy.  That was so NOT me.   We talked most nights for that whole month that he was gone.  When he was home, we went on our first date and it was the clincher for me.  I wanted to date this dude. 

Now, back to our second date which was in March of 1995.  On that date, we both expressed our feelings about everything including kids and adopting .  Cool, this guy gets it.  That night, he took me over to his house to meet his adorable little Cocker Spaniel named Caly.  He had rescued this little dog from and older lady who couldn't care for her anymore and they were buddies.  It was cute.  (He is gonna love me for this).  Anyways, I was hooked. Did I forget to mention that Jerry was wearing cowboy boots.....little did he know that I had a thing for guys in cowboy boot.  The point to all this is that, I realized that Jerry and I were on the same page about life and what we wanted and hoped for in our lives.  We were on our way.  Five months later, we said our I do's. 
Journal entry dated October  17, 2000 - Sitting on the couch watching tv.  Jerry is in St. Louis again.  These weeks where he is gone Tuesday through Friday are tough.  Ran 5 miles today.  I am still planning on running the Turkey Trot.   Running started out as part of my healing process, but now it is my favorite thing to do when I need to clear my head.  Jerry and I are planning to have a Halloween Party, so I am getting started on that.  I had a weak moment today and went baby stuff shopping.  I am excited about the possibilities and can't contain myself sometimes.  Thank GOD for mom.  She has been my ROCK.  I wish that I had someone to talk to about all of this adoption stuff.  My mom is supportive, but you really can't understand this stuff unless you have been through it.  I am journaling about all of this, so that maybe someday, my story could help or comfort someone else who is going through it.  Just to know that your feelings aren't "weird".  If one more person says to me, "just relax, it will happen"!  I might just rip their hair out.

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