Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Time moves very slow when you are Waiting

I want to share my very favorite quote.  I found it when I was 21 years old and  I was going through a difficult time.  At that age, most of us are still very selfish.  Thinking that the world revolves around us.  At that age, you do not realize that the decisions that you make could have impact on the rest of your life.  I have kept this quote close throughout my life to remind me that this is the kind of person that I want to be. 

How far you go in life, depends on your being...
Tender with the young,
Compassionate with the aged,
Sympathetic with the striving, and
Tolerant with the weak and the strong;
BECAUSE someday in your life....
You will have been ALL OF THESE.
--George Washington Carver

 Journal entry dated October 29, 2000 - I am going crazy.  I think Jerry is gonna jump ship.  I know that I am making him NUTS.  This waiting stuff is excruciating.  I know that we just got started, but my mind is running 24/7.  What if no one picks us?  What if our scrapbook offends a birthmother?  What if I didn't do enough.  What if....What if....What if?  I am excited....worried......nervous....you name it and I am it.  The big what if.....What if we NEVER get to be parents?  I have wanted a family for a long time.  Actually, I always wanted a big family.   I came from a family of four.  One brother and Mom and Dad.  I always envied people who had big families.  Now here I am hoping for the chance at just one.  One little baby.  That is all that I am asking.  One little baby who needs a mommy and and a daddy to love them forever.
I view myself as a pretty sane person, but I was completely consumed with the process of adoption and preparing for a baby.   I couldn't think of anything else.  I think I almost drove my "support system", meaning, my poor mother to flee the country.  She listened to it EVERYday.  I thank GOD for her, because she kept me on track.  One minute, I was crying because I would be feeling hopeless and the next hour, I would call her back on cloud nine filled with optimism.  I know I made her crazy.  In all of my own conflict, I didn't realize the pain that she was in.  Her heart was breaking because her child was in such turmoil and she felt completely helpless.  She was a rock for me in spite of her own emotions, which brings me back to my quote.  This quote describes the way that my mother lives her life and she has always been an inspiration to me.  I love you mom and I would not be where I am today without you and Dad and your support for my crazy journey.

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