After group therapy, I slowly started to resume my motherly relationships with the kids. I still went to see a therapist on my own for almost 2 years following this whole ordeal. This therapist would help me discover so much about myself. Some of it, you just can't believe is still inside of you. For example. When I was in high school, there was a girl, who got some kind of kick out of saying hurtful things to me to knock me down a peg or two. Most of it, as a kid, you just suck up and move on, but one time, she cut me to the core and apparently, I did not get over it. Believe it or not, it had an effect on my self esteem......years later! I was shocked to figure this out. It made me really look at myself and how I felt about me. What does this have to do with being a mother? Everything!!! We are what we experience. I guess my point is that we are all a work in progress and we need to be able to look inside of ourselves to find the answers and accept that we are not perfect and need to be humble enough to reach out for help. My mom always said that "it takes a village" to raise a child. Don't look the other way. If you see someone struggling....extend yourself.
Cameron and I would slowly build our relationship. I won't lie. It was difficult. He sensed it and was affected by it....BUT...with therapy, a supportive family, and a strong desire from both Cameron and I, we would make it. This little brown eyed, spiky haired little baby would teach me more about being a good person than anyone else that I have ever met. He is an amazing little soul, with great passion for loved ones and a very tender heart. He is the most compassionate little boy that you will ever meet. He loves Jesus and he feels great respect for this crazy world of ours. Cameron is currently 9 years old and you will be happy to know that he and I are VERY close. I will tell you that I am a fighter. He is a fighter. Cameron is a determined little boy. He is my biggest fan and God help anyone who messes with his Momma.
As I sat in that room that day with all of those other patients, I stated my name and then sat quietly, thinking to myself, "How will I ever get back to being a good mother???" It felt like a mountain to climb. I climbed that mountain and I conquered that mountain!
|Mom and Cameron (7 months)|