Thrown another curve....

Journal entry dated September 1, 2004 - Jacob is going to start preschool this year.  It is only one week away.  I can't believe he is going to be 4 years old.  Yikes.  Cameron is two years old going on three in January.  It will be nice for Cameron and I to have special time alone while Jacob goes to school for a few hours a week.  I have been thinking a lot about that third child that we are hoping for. We only have one month left in our year of eligibility and if we want to extend it, it will be more money.  I don't know if it will happen.  I guess I am ok with that. I am so happy with our beautiful boys.  They are growing up fast. I really can't believe how fast.  Life is very full and I am feeling quite well these days.  I still have days where I want to escape, but I think that most of that is just the nature of being a stay at home mom.  Thank GOD for my wonderful friends and playgroups.  My running helps as well.  It keeps me sane. 

I heard this week through "the grapevine" that 10 months after our Cameron was born, that their birthmother gave birth to another child, and she kept HER.  That hit me so weird.  It was her child, and yet a part of me felt like it was supposed to be mine. I can't fully explain what I feel. Just ODD.  The fact that the child is biologically connected to my children, sorta makes me feel sad that they won't know her.  So, Jacob and Cameron now have 4 birth siblings.  This is the part of their story that will be hard to explain to the boys someday.  Why their birthmother kept some babies and why she let some babies become adopted.  I don't have that explanation figured out yet.  But I will......someday.   My brain is fried on this one.  Good night journal.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SHOCK!

Journal entry dated November 11, 2000 - I am still in SHOCK.  Shaking. My stomach feels like I am in an airplane and we are experiencing turbulence.  Today is Veterans Day and since Jerry had the day off, we decided to go hang out with Jerry's parents and maybe do a little Christmas shopping.  We were sitting on the couch chatting when the phone rang.  My mother in law answered it and came around the corner from the kitchen and whispered to me, "its the adoption agency".  She says, "they said they have been looking for you".  I told her to "RELAX, we finished our home study yesterday and they probably have a question for us." I picked up the phone and said "Hello".  The next few minutes, I would be silent and frozen in my footsteps, for fear that I may be misunderstanding our Social workers words.  "We have a baby boy here at the hospital and the mother has selected you and Jerry to become the adoptive parents."  Not sure that I
Read more

Dear Birthmother

I am going to share a very personal letter with you today.  This letter came from my heart.  It is our "Dear Birthmother" letter.   This was a very challenging letter to write.  I was trying to keep in mind how a birth mother would be feeling as she read our letter and what words would comfort her as she made, what seemed to me, to be an impossible decision.  We couldn't possibly understand where each other was coming from, but I felt that there had to be some common ground for us to meet.  The agency told us that you never know what one peice of information may draw a birth mother to you, so we should be thorough and full of detail.  This is our letter. Dear Birthmother, Selecting a future home and family for your child is a very difficult and important decision.  We greatly respect and appreciate your need to know about us and the kind of home that we would provide for your child.  By gaining some insight into our lives, we hope your uncertainties will be relieved.
Read more