Monday, February 21, 2011

Thrown another curve....

Journal entry dated September 1, 2004 - Jacob is going to start preschool this year.  It is only one week away.  I can't believe he is going to be 4 years old.  Yikes.  Cameron is two years old going on three in January.  It will be nice for Cameron and I to have special time alone while Jacob goes to school for a few hours a week.  I have been thinking a lot about that third child that we are hoping for. We only have one month left in our year of eligibility and if we want to extend it, it will be more money.  I don't know if it will happen.  I guess I am ok with that. I am so happy with our beautiful boys.  They are growing up fast. I really can't believe how fast.  Life is very full and I am feeling quite well these days.  I still have days where I want to escape, but I think that most of that is just the nature of being a stay at home mom.  Thank GOD for my wonderful friends and playgroups.  My running helps as well.  It keeps me sane. 

I heard this week through "the grapevine" that 10 months after our Cameron was born, that their birthmother gave birth to another child, and she kept HER.  That hit me so weird.  It was her child, and yet a part of me felt like it was supposed to be mine. I can't fully explain what I feel. Just ODD.  The fact that the child is biologically connected to my children, sorta makes me feel sad that they won't know her.  So, Jacob and Cameron now have 4 birth siblings.  This is the part of their story that will be hard to explain to the boys someday.  Why their birthmother kept some babies and why she let some babies become adopted.  I don't have that explanation figured out yet.  But I will......someday.   My brain is fried on this one.  Good night journal.

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