Wednesday, March 30, 2011

No Wrong Answer

So last night, my hubby Jerry and I were sitting with Jacob (10) and Cameron (9), watching American Pickers http://www.history.com/shows/american-pickers, on the History Channel.  We all love it.  Jerry is a budding picker and it is great for kids to see treasures from the past.  Anyways.....on the commercials, we kept seeing a trailer for the show that was to follow.  It was called, "One Born Every Minute".  It was a show about births.  They showcase 3 stories of babies coming into the world.  In the trailer, they mention that one of the stories was about adoption and how a birthmother has 72 hours to change her mind.   After the third time that it came on, my son Jacob says, "hey Mom, can we watch that"?  No, I said, since it came on at 10:00pm.  Cameron says, "hey Jacob, don't you think that if a birthmom signs a paper to give her baby away, that she should not have the right to change her mind?"  Jacob did not comment, but I could see the wheels turning in his mind.  Cameron asked again.  Jerry and I were like little flies on the wall waiting to see how this conversation would develop.  Jacob looked at me to see my reaction.  He's the one child that has the most curiosity about his birth family.  Instantly, I knew that he was not going to answer honestly for fear of hurting my feelings.  So, I looked at him and said, "you know, Jacob, there is no "wrong or right answer".  You can be honest about your thoughts and feelings.  Every adopted child will have different feelings about that subject."  He looked at me and said, "really????"  He then looked at Cameron and said, "I think that it is ok to change her mind."

None of this surprised me, but it was interesting to see them take different sides of an issue like this and handle it with respect for the other.  I can only hope that they will continue to grow and be confident in their feelings about where they came from and to respect each others feelings.  As an adoptive mother, I always worry whether I am giving too much information or not enough.  The only gage is the kids and how they process the information.  I feel that you have to present it and then step back and let it process.  My experience has been that, most of the time they won't have question immediately after you give them information, but often it is a year later.  It goes in, and you have to just wait for them to ask.  Many times, questions come right out of the blue and you have no idea what prompted the question.  I always react calm, cool and collected and if I need time to think, I simply say that, I need a little time to think and could I get back with them before bedtime.  I don't believe in sharing any negative information about birthparents.  It serves no purpose.  There is plenty of time when they are older to share those details and they will have a better understanding of such information. 

So, once again, I am enlightened by the process and the journey that we are on with these amazing children in our lives.  Everyday is a learning experience.  We are so lucky to be a part of their lives.

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