Sunday, April 3, 2011

Bringing Home Baby Mode

Even though, I could hear the voice on the other end, the words were mumbled.  I was staring out the bay window in my kitchen, thinking to myself, "um, am I ready for whatever she is mumbling about right now?".  I pulled myself together and heard, "now, I don't want you to feel OBLIGATED to take this baby."

It was now 2:03pm....5 minutes later and I still was in a panic and not hearing well.  I mean, I just came off of one of the worst months in my life and things are settling down....I have 3 beautiful children and my life is GREAT.  Honestly, for the first time since we started adopting babies from this birthmother, the thought crossed my many more will there be?  Is there an end?  Will I be adopting children for the next 15 years?  She is only 32 years old at this point.  Wow.  I asked for a little time to call Jerry and talk it over with him.  She said that we had about and hour and then they would start preparing to contact another family.  Whoa!  Back up the cart BABE.  I need more than an hour to locate Jerry and discuss our options.  After Amanda came to us, we told the agency that we were done.  So, getting this call was my greatest fear, because as long as I didn't know about any future children, I would be ok.  Knowing changes everything.  My hands were shaking.  The agency said that they needed our permission to put our kids names in any future court records regarding other families adopting their biological siblings.  That's why they called. 

I hung up the phone and called Jerry.  Thank goodness he was in his car and not on an escalator this time.  I really thought that he was going to way, we said we were done.  To my surprise, he said, "what's one more", "as long as you can handle it".   Not sure if I can handle it is what I thought to myself.  I know what my mother will say.  She is the one who listens to me on the phone for hours when I am overwhelmed.  She wants me to enjoy motherhood.  I know what she means. 

At this point, I am still sitting in my kitchen alone.  Amanda is watching Blues Clues in the living room and Jacob and Cameron need to be picked up from Preschool soon.  It is now 2:20pm and I still don't know what I am going to do.  I can feel my heart beating in my chest and I swear that I can feel the blood racing through my body.  I can't stand the thought of this child going to some family that I don't know anything about.  He is the biological sibling of my children.  This was way more than I was equipped for a Tuesday afternoon. 

At 2:34pm, I called Jerry back and told him to get his butt home, because we were going to meet our new son, because he belongs with us.  We will now be a family of six.  I let the agency know that we would be there in a few hours.  I  picked up the boys and arranged for a sitter for the kids and started to get my mind in "bringing home a baby" mode.  Thank God we never had that garage sale.

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