Thursday, April 7, 2011
A SWIRL of Emotion
Journal entry dated May ##, 2006 - End of Day 2 for Benjamin. Still can't take him home. I am swirling with emotion. I am excited about our new baby. Overwhelmed by the details. Scared about him maintaining his oxygen sat level...and simply exhausted by the process. Two days ago, I was enjoying Spring's arrival and preparing for the seasons planting time, which I absolutey love. Spring is my favorite time of year. I feel guilty that I am sad about the loss of enjoying that time this year. It won't happen now. A new baby takes over your life, in a good way, but nonetheless.....takes over. I sound like one of those MOMs that I used to get mad at when they would complain about being pregnant... I remember wanting to poke their eyes out! jk. It is not that I am ungrateful. Just in a swirl of emotions. Things will calm down. He is amazing. I just haven't really stopped to let it all soak in. I have the most amazing support system. Monica, Marla, Lisa and most of all Mom and Mom-in-law. Jerry offers physical support, but it is these women who offer me the emotional support and allow me to not have to "be the perfect adoptive mother". I have to allow myself to feel all the emotions and talk about it. Two days ago, I thought my family was complete and we were done. It takes a minute to adjust. I am getting there. I am so worried about Benjamin. I hope tomorrow he can come home.
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