Bad People
Sitting in Starbucks in downtown Ann Arbor this morning. I had some testing done today. It is exhausting to go through brain testing. I had no idea.
I can't get my conversation with my Jacob out of my head. Yesterday, he asked me to tell him "the truth" about why he was adopted. I asked him "what do you mean truth?" Does he think that I have been untruthful? Quite frankly, this was not the best time for an in-depth conversation, as we were headed to the swim house for my Cameron's swim tryouts. But, as I have mentioned before, you have to seize the moment when your adopted child comes to you, because it is so hard to get them to talk when you are in a more "appropriate" moment.
Anyways, he said that he wondered what the "real" reason was...my mind started racing, because you have to keep the conversation age appropriate, as well as informational. I try to ask questions of him to isolate the core reason for him asking the question.
After digging for a few minutes, I finally got to the bottom of it. Someone at school told him that the only people who get adopted are people who's birthparents are "bad people".
This is the hard stuff. When they are little, you are in control of all of the information that they receive. Out in the BIG world, they are going to hear what every child hears from their parents about adoption. I realize that this is their reality and must learn to deal with all of it. My plea to the parents of the world, is....maybe you are not directly in contact with a child who is adopted, but your children may be and please use caution when speaking to your children about adoption. It matters.
I can't get my conversation with my Jacob out of my head. Yesterday, he asked me to tell him "the truth" about why he was adopted. I asked him "what do you mean truth?" Does he think that I have been untruthful? Quite frankly, this was not the best time for an in-depth conversation, as we were headed to the swim house for my Cameron's swim tryouts. But, as I have mentioned before, you have to seize the moment when your adopted child comes to you, because it is so hard to get them to talk when you are in a more "appropriate" moment.
Anyways, he said that he wondered what the "real" reason was...my mind started racing, because you have to keep the conversation age appropriate, as well as informational. I try to ask questions of him to isolate the core reason for him asking the question.
After digging for a few minutes, I finally got to the bottom of it. Someone at school told him that the only people who get adopted are people who's birthparents are "bad people".
This is the hard stuff. When they are little, you are in control of all of the information that they receive. Out in the BIG world, they are going to hear what every child hears from their parents about adoption. I realize that this is their reality and must learn to deal with all of it. My plea to the parents of the world, is....maybe you are not directly in contact with a child who is adopted, but your children may be and please use caution when speaking to your children about adoption. It matters.
Hello there - stopping in to follow ya from blog hop friday...Here and loving it :)). Hope you can visit me sometime.. Marilyn from http://www.theartsygirlconnection.blogspot.com/ ~ Happy holiday..
ReplyDeleteWow...I can't believe someone would say that. I suppose it's a good reminder to us to remember that our kids pick up on everything!
ReplyDeleteCarla @ Jansen Family Adventures