Journey on....

In the days that followed M&M taking Baby I home to be their son, never in my life had I leaned on my faith that God would carry me through more. 
Everyday moving forward became easier to accept that he was theirs to keep.  My moment had passed.  He would not be mine.  But I wondered if I would ever really let go.  Only time would tell.  In the first few months, I kept busy, trying not to think of him.  No one really knows just how much that I pained over that decision.  That little boy will forever hold a special place in my heart.  I tried to find ways to keep it in perspective.  I kept in touch with M&M by phone and she sent pictures to us.  He was growing fast and he resembled my Amanda so much.  I saw quite a bit of my Jacob in him as well.  They are all so beautiful.  M&M are a beautiful loving couple and my hope for this baby could not have turned out better.  He has love.  He has brought so much joy to this very deserving couple.  I know that the day is coming when they will invite us to see him.  I can feel it.  I am not sure how I will feel.  On one hand, I can't wait to see him.   But on the other hand, I am worried about how I will feel when, I have to leave.......without him.  I know that the kids will bond with him right away.  They can't wait to meet him.  Especially Jacob.  He gets it all.  He was very disappointed that we did not adopt Baby I.  That was a heartbreaking conversation.  I realized that in the last8 years, Jacob had witnessed Jerry and I bring home babies to keep and he just became accustomed to that process and accepted it as part of our life, so all of this was an adjustment for him as well. 
Just after the Holidays of 2008, when everything settled down, we got an invitation to visit Baby I's home and parents.  We were about to embark on a new leg of our journey. I didn't know what the future had in  store,
but WE were ready to take it on.


Mommie or Bust!

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