My journey into mommyhood was not your typical experience. There were No plus signs on a stick and no morning sickness, no midnight cravings, no ultrasound to see if it is a boy or girl....well you get the idea. Nonetheless, I am a mother of four amazing children whom my husband and I adopted through Domestic Adoption...this is the incredible story of us.
(Start from the beginning with first post.)
Journal entry date July 2006 -Hey journal, its me again. My mind is racing tonight as my family sleeps. You know how I am. Things get stuck in my brain until resolution arrives. Talks with Jacob have been going well about his adoption. He is 6 now and we have moved to the next phase of sharing and talking about everything. He doesn't ask a lot of questions yet, but I am sure that will change as he grows older. I am trying to not be down about this. I knew going into adoption that I planned to be open with all of them. It is so hard. I sometimes, secretly feel like I want to be selfish and just tell them that they are mine all mine. That they came from my body. Not have to explain all of this hard stuff that is difficult for their little brains to handle. But....that is just a fantasy. I owe them "their truth". I am jealous of Moms sometimes that just have to deal with normal first grader life, not explaining such emotional issues at 6. Experts and adoptees seem to feel that the younger the better, and so I forge ahead into unknown territory. *****************************************************
When I look back at this entry of my journal, I can remember the turmoil that I was in each time that I needed to move deeper into my children's understanding of their story. I am currently educating my third 6 year old on her story, and the other night during a routine reading session, something wonderful happened. Usually, following reading, we will have girl talk time. These are the times that she and I get away from all the testosterone in the house and bond. I wanted to share it with you so that you will understand what I have discovered. The importance of having a plan on how you will educate your adopted child about their story. Sometimes these little moments happen to remind me that, yes the talks have been difficult at times, but truth and an openness, can make all the difference.
Our special Girl Talk Spot
My daughter and I were doing a little reading in her room in our special place. We were giggling a lot and there was quite a bit of snuggling. We finished up our book and I told her that we needed to talk a little about modesty and being a lady. We had been discussing this a lot lately, since she plays a lot of sports with her brothers and the boys of the neighborhood. I wanted to make sure that she understood that as she grew older, she needed to be mindful of how she carried herself. She seems to be starting to understand. Out of nowhere, she says,"Mom...Do you HAVE to have a baby?" "What do you mean", I asked. "Well, when I grow up, I don't want to have a baby, I want to adopt one". "Why?", I asked. SHE then answered in her cute little hands on her hip way....."because, why would I have one when there are so many good kids like me that need to be adopted". I pulled that little cutie to me and squeezed her so tight, because in my heart, I immediately felt WOW. She gets it. I have done a good job.
So all those years ago, I worried about whether I was doing things right. You can't know for sure, but you try your best and hope for moments like this. Moments that tell you that you've turned into a great parent for your adoptive child. This was such a moment for me. Happy Mommy.