Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Happiness

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
Treasure it.
- Unknown









Friday, August 26, 2011

Coffee Talks

It is the eve of my sixteenth wedding anniversary and I once again I am sitting here flipping through old journals.  I love doing that.  I suppose the reason that I love to do that is the same reason why am driven to journal in the first place.  I like to go back and read about the past and see how my life has changed, or how I have grown.  Life is busy and my hubby and I are in different worlds during the day.  He is in corporate and I am in...well, mommie-world.  Sometimes we meet at the end of the day and briefly give each other the once over and check for any obvious damage and then, we are swiftly torn into two different directions for the kids recreational portion of the day.  Swimming, soccer, basketball, well you know....life with kids. 

I found an entry in one of my journals from April of 2010.  I found it interesting, mostly because, I was conflicted.  At the time I wrote this entry, I was going through a difficult time with whether or not to have a hysterectomy.  The reasons to do it were clear and recommended by all my medical support, but the emotions of closing down that part of my life were wreaking havoc on my heart.
 
Journal entry dated April 11, 2010 - hey there old friend...struggling with my head and heart these days.  I need to make my decision soon about these fibroids.  I can't take much more pain.  I know that I am going to do it, but why am I hanging on so tightly to this stupid uterus.  It has never served me well.  It hasn't been my friend.  It couldn't even just do what it was suppose to do.  It completely failed me.  I should feel like chucking it as far as I can and never look back.  I have four amazing children now and I don't want any more.  So, why is it so hard to let go of something that has nothing to offer me.  If I were to get pregnant right now, I can honestly say that, I would be PISSED.  Of course, I would embrace the situation, but, in all reality I need another baby like I need a hole in my head.  So, what is it that makes one cling to this ridiculous organ that I am done with.  Crazy.  I have so much to be thankful for.  My hubby adores me and is amused by me and my hair brained ideas.  Through much trials and tribulations, we share four amazing little beings sent straight from heaven.  Does one ever feel at peace with not conceiving a child?  Am I seeking something that does not exist?  I don't know.  Maybe it has nothing to do with conceiving and it is just hard to let go of your DAMN uterus.  Maybe I am over dramatizing it??  Tonight Jerry said, "you are beautiful, you are a mother, you are a woman", "nothing can change any of those things, not even a hysterectomy".  I think he's a keeper.
*******
Jerry is not super romantic, but he has had his moments over the past sixteen years.  Our lives are busy and sometimes exhausting and keeping connected to each other can get very challenging.  His most romantic gesture came this summer and I thought that I'd share.  He proposed an idea on how we could stay connected and on the same page.  It was going to require the unthinkable, but I was on board.  Summertime is my time to sleep in and I love my summer sleep ins with the kids.  But, he asked me to get up every morning at 5:30 am to have coffee talks with him before he left for work.  At first, I thought he was joking.  That's just STUPID. Why would any sane person do such a thing?

Begrudgingly, I agreed.  It was still dark out!  The dog wanted to go out to pee too!  It was mayhem.  Too much activity for 5:30am.  B-u-t, it was nice.  We would discuss our plans for the day.  Chit chat.  We even laughed.  I grew to enjoy it so much.  In fact, on the days that I grunted at him from my cozy bed, GO AWAY, not getting up today, I regretted it.  I felt like I missed him that day in a different way.  Like I missed out on "our special time". 

So, his proposal of 5:30am coffee talks turned out to be the most romantic thing that he has ever done for me in Sixteen Years of Marriage. 



Happy Anniversary Hubby. 
You are the BEST.

 



Saturday, August 20, 2011

Post "I'm freaking out with this new baby" Syndrome

Postpartum depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004481/

Post Adoption Depression Syndrome   
Your baby was more adorable in person than pictures. You and your husband never felt so thrilled and fulfilled as you held her in your arms on the flight home. Your ten-year quest for a child is finally over, you are a family now and forever. This little one is finally yours!

One month later......

You feel anxious and depressed, but more often, simply overwhelmed. Some mornings you don't get dressed. You don't feel any great love for your child, and you can barely make it through your day. Even your husband doesn't understand. In your deepest, most private moments, you wish you could give your baby back.

Sound familiar?

There is so much information available regarding Post Partum, but not much for Post Adoption Depression Syndrome.  Really, they should just call all of it, Post "I am freaking out with this new baby" Syndrome.

Check out this site for comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
Adoption Issues http://www.adoptionissues.org/post-adoption-depression.html

Adoption Articles Directory
http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Post-Adoption-Depression---The-Unacknowledged-Hazzard/53

Nobody ever warned me that this could happen to me.  I never saw it coming.  Be aware.  Be prepared. 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Nobody said that life would be easy.


Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the one's who don't.

Believe things happen for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.
                                        Nobody said life would be easy,
                           they just promised it would be worth it.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Simple Treasures

Bear Lake 2011
Do you see the joy on these two faces?  They have come a long way from those weary frowns worn years ago.  The time before our children found us.  These are the kinda smiles that you feel deep down in your soul.  The ones that you longed to feel for so long.  Nowadays, luckily they come quite easy with our four adopted children in our lives.  

While still trying to recover from my auto accident, going on family vacations has been a struggle.  The family was really needing a getaway.  Something fun, but something that I could do without being miserable.  So, we went "Up North", as we like to call it around here. 

We were minutes from Lake Michigan. Beautiful beaches, campfires, roasting marshmallows, catching fireflies, and even saw a movie at The Cherrybowl Drive-In. We slowed life down for just a little while. 


 
Not once did the kids complain that the vacation was going to be boring.  Our first day there poured buckets.  Thunder was rolling, and there wasn't much to do.

 

Being the optimist that I am, I suggested that we sit out on the back porch and listen to some music and look out over the 55 acres.  So, the "mini  boom  box" was blaring out in to the countryside, I think the song was, SWEET Home Alabama,  and the kids jumped off the deck and started dancing in the rain.   The mud was not an issue.  The muddier the better.  They had a blast.  We had a blast watching them.  I couldn't be prouder.



It is in these moments when Jerry and I realize just how lucky that we are to have this amazing family.  A reminder of what we struggled so long for.



There is nothing like the sound
of pure joy in your children's laughter.



Fireflies and Cricket Catching

When we dreamed of a family, of course we thought about all of the things that we would do with them if we got the chance.  Living the dream and finding the joy in each moment that you share with them is what grounds Jerry and I in all of the difficult parts of raising an adopted child.  No, we cannot change how they came into the world, and ultimately we cannot control how they feel about all of it.  What we can do it LOVE them. Listen to them.  Hold their hand as they walk through their journey, whatever it may be.  That is what an adoptive parent can do. 



As the week progressed, I found moment after moment, where I just stood looking in awe at this incredible bunch that I call my family.  I realized that my family doesn't need Disneyworld, or Cabo for a vacation.  We found so much joy in the simple treasures that God gave us.


My Forever Family




Standing on the shore, in awe of my blessings, I sigh, with great joy.

Thanks for looking!