Thursday, October 20, 2011

Breakfast talk

My kindergartener asked me this question this morning while eating his breakfast. "Mom, on the day that I was born, did Daddy's boss give him the day off to come meet me?". "Yes sir", I said. "That's AWESOME", he said.

I adore his innocence.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Fleeting thought.....

I have spent so much time worrying about staying in tune with where my children are at emotionally in life and with their adoptions, that sometimes I forget to allow myself my OWN feelings. Watching #parenthood this week, I got lost in the scene where Kristina was giving birth and for just a moment, I felt envious. Why? The experience. That is all. Just the experience. I have everything else that comes with motherhood, but I don't have that experience of giving birth. That doesn't make me less of an adoptive mother, but just a realist. Trust me, I wouldn't change a thing. Just curious about the whole know?

Sunday, October 16, 2011


As I have said in the life changed a little over a year ago.  A family car accident. I don't look any different on the outside....which makes things challenging. Most of my injuries were neck, back , knees and closed head injury. Close friends see the differences, but if you didn't know me, then you wouldn't know that my processing center was affected. I forget words that used to flow freely. Short term memory loss. I have headaches everyday. I have nausea everyday. I have confusion. Light sensitivity. Blurred vision. Severe shoulder pain. Hip and neck, thoracic and low back pain. Oh, and did I forget traumatic stress?

As if that is not enough, I can no longer run with my husband. No longer play golf with my friends. No longer play soccer with my kids. Until recently, I couldn't really venture out socially. We have attempted vacations, some were complete failures, some just disasters, some went fine. It depended on the level of activity. It has been a rough year.

Thankfully, I have a great team of therapists Drs. that I am working with. They are helping me everyday move towards a "new" normal for myself. Yes, it is depressing. But, I refuse to give up. Why, someone asked me. Well, I was not raised to give up, no matter what. I have four reasons to keep me going. My children. They have had to witness their mother weakened. Wronged. How do I not feel bitter? I do feel bitter, but the anger propels me forward. The kids have been through a lot with these differences in me. They are troopers. They lift me up. They won't let me sink for long. I won't lie, everyday, I think about how much this all sucks, but then, I look into their eyes and that's it. Pity party over.

Why this post? I am exhausted. But tomorrow is another day. I will embrace it with all my might.

To quote my oldest son, "Mom, you are brave, no one can take away the fight that is in your heart". He gets it.

Saturday, October 15, 2011


Hope is an image of goals

planted firmly in your mind.

When looking at life before you,

hope lines the paths you find.

Hope is a well of courage

nestled deep within your heart.

When faltering in fear and doubt,

hope pushes you to start.

Hope is an urge to keep going,

for limbs too tired and weak.

When apathy stills all desire,

hope sparks the fuel you seek.

Hope is a promise of patience,

as you wait for distress to wane.

When all you can do is nothing,

hope pulls you through the pain.

Hope is a spirit that lifts you

should heaviness pull at your soul.

When torn apart by losses,

hope mends to keep you whole.

Thanks for looking!