The Walls came down. She is Adopted in HER heart.
My daughter is now 8 and a half. I have told her from day one, where she came from. Every time, she would shake her head at me and say, "no mommy, no". I kept at it, as always. Recently, the dam broke. Out poured every why? What? Who? And When? that had ever crossed her mind. Of course this was at 10:30 at night. Way past her bed time. But.....now, was the moment that an adoptive mom waits for. The moment that they let their guard down and accept in their heart just what you have told them time and time before. But today, she stopped rejecting the fact that SHE WAS ADOPTED. Today, she wanted all the answers.
I was prepared for such a moment, as I had been through it two other times with my two older boys. This time was different though. She is a girl and had dealt with the information differently than the boys had. Each experience has been a very unique experience. I will discuss more about the boys in future posts.
My daughter was mostly upset about an idea she had, that I, was somehow keeping her from visiting her (birthday mother). This would be a tough answer, as it was with my other children. You see, our birthday mom had asked us to encourage the kids to not look for her in the future. My hope had always been that she might change her mind, but, not so far. This is one of the hardest parts, because I want to keep things positive in her mind as long as I can. There is no good way to explain the "why" I can't see her to a child. She will know everything in time. As she grows older, the more negative facts will unfold. I hope I am giving you a window into just how difficult these emotions can be for both her and I. Baby steps. Keep with me, as this has a great ending.
So, after lots of tears and hugs and even anger, we decided on a plan. My hubby and I decided that the best thing for her would to get a special journal, so she could write all of her feelings, questions and thoughts in the book, as if she were writing letters to her birthday mom. She loved the idea. She writes every night. She looks through the journal and the life book we created for her and feel connected enough....for now. She hopes to someday give it to her. Me too.
Several days later, we were walking in to Target for a much needed "Target Trance", and she grabbed my hand and looked up at me with those baby greens and said, "I love you SO much my Forever Adoptive Mommie.
A moment this Adoptive Mom will NEVER forget.
I was prepared for such a moment, as I had been through it two other times with my two older boys. This time was different though. She is a girl and had dealt with the information differently than the boys had. Each experience has been a very unique experience. I will discuss more about the boys in future posts.
My daughter was mostly upset about an idea she had, that I, was somehow keeping her from visiting her (birthday mother). This would be a tough answer, as it was with my other children. You see, our birthday mom had asked us to encourage the kids to not look for her in the future. My hope had always been that she might change her mind, but, not so far. This is one of the hardest parts, because I want to keep things positive in her mind as long as I can. There is no good way to explain the "why" I can't see her to a child. She will know everything in time. As she grows older, the more negative facts will unfold. I hope I am giving you a window into just how difficult these emotions can be for both her and I. Baby steps. Keep with me, as this has a great ending.
So, after lots of tears and hugs and even anger, we decided on a plan. My hubby and I decided that the best thing for her would to get a special journal, so she could write all of her feelings, questions and thoughts in the book, as if she were writing letters to her birthday mom. She loved the idea. She writes every night. She looks through the journal and the life book we created for her and feel connected enough....for now. She hopes to someday give it to her. Me too.
Several days later, we were walking in to Target for a much needed "Target Trance", and she grabbed my hand and looked up at me with those baby greens and said, "I love you SO much my Forever Adoptive Mommie.
A moment this Adoptive Mom will NEVER forget.
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