Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Huge CHUNKS!!

I have been asked the same question lately, so I thought I would share my answer here.  The question is, "How did you know that you were ready to give up on biological children and move forward to adopting"?

That is such a loaded question.  First of all, you NEVER give up on that hope, but at some point, you have to sit down and evaluate.  What have I done to make biological children happen?  How much time and money has gone into that?  What is the Goal?  At the end of your life, will you be content if you are childless?  For me.....I wanted children BAD.  I knew that there was NO WAY that I wanted to be on my death bed, looking back on my life and seeing no children.  When I met my husband...the desire for children only increased.  I could not believe that I had found this amazing man to share my life with. A man that shared all of my hopes and dreams of being parents.  I longed to have children that had a piece of him in them and a piece of me in them.  Like everyone else, we wanted little people just like us.   I wanted the connection between a mother and child.  I wanted to experience them learning to walk and learning to read.  See them go on their first bike ride with no training wheels.  Take care of them when they were sick and to experience all of  those feelings that only children can bring. 

As we went through all of the ups and downs of  the infertility journey, we slowly came to realize that all of the things that we were hoping for, we could have with any child.  The child did not have to be biological.  It was then that our focus started changing.  We knew that there could always be that chance that a biological child would come, but we no longer saw that as the primary focus.  The focus became, finding a child to love.  Ten years later, I can tell you that there is not just little pieces of Jerry and I in these children, but  there are HUGE CHUNKS in all of them.  Jacob makes the same looks that Jerry makes when they are mad at me.  Love that. Lol.  Amanda mimics my gestures constantly.  She is my mini-me.  Cameron and I have the same sense of humor and Benjamin is all of us rolled into one.  I can honestly tell you that we forget that these children are not our biological children. 

I get the feeling sometimes that people are afraid that adopting will leave them feeling like something is incomplete when developing their relationship with non-biological children.  That is so far from the truth.  We could not feel more connected to our children if they were biological.  I so hope that if you are considering adopting, you will take my advice and go for it.  You won't be sorry.  I understand that you feel afraid to "give up" on having biological children, but I do not think anyone really gives up on that. Instead  I believe that we evolve towards our goal, by taking a different road.  Get to the core of what the goal is.  Is it a biological mini-me that there are no guarantees of having......or is it to become a parent and to to live the dream with a child who needs the same thing that you do....the parent/child connection.  Anyways, that's how we got to where we are today.  Evolving.  I still miss the fact that I didn't get to experience a full pregnancy and delivery, but that is only 9 months in a lifetime.  To me, the pain is gone.  My life is full.  My life......well, I wouldn't want it any other way.  The journey made me a better person.  I truly believe that God intended for Jerry and I to be adoptive parents......for a while, I just wasn't listening to Him.

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