Mommie or Bust ~ A Mother’s Journey Through Adoption

Just a heartfelt thanks that I am sending out to all of my followers. So many of you have shared your stories with me and I feel quite honored. Thank you for the feedback when something in my writings has touched your heart, comforted you, or made you laugh. When I was going through my journey in the early days, I never imagined that down the road, I would meet so many that share my deepest, darkest pain, and yet share my greatest of hope for a family. I am so thankful for a place to share, and for those who share back. I intend to continue to share all that I experience, as my journey continues. I am not an expert and I won't ever claim to be. What I am is driven to be a great mom. I make mistakes and screw things up sometimes, but I never give up. I never stop trying to grow as a person, wife and mother. My son asked me today what I want to be remembered for. That really is tough to answer. Of course, I want to be remembered as a good mother. A good friend. A wife ...

Upon returning home from preschool, I knew that the agency was waiting to hear from me. One comment they made during that pivotal phone call, was that, I shouldn't feel obligated. Obligated???? Obligated never entered my mind. In my heart, that baby belonged with us. You have to remember that at this point, I have only known about this baby for about an hour. My husband made his feelings clear. The only way that I would get over that stumbling block, would be to tell him, that regardless of his feelings, I can't walk away from this baby. He would do it. But at what cost? I value my marriage greatly. No, he would never leave the marriage because of something like this, but I don't want to do anything that would be unhealthy for our well being as a couple. We have been through a lot together on this journey, and I know that we still have great things ahead of us. I set Ben and Amanda up watching a video and headed for the phone. At this point, my heart is begru...

I was standing in the kitchen just looking at my phone.  This phone and I had become long time friends.  You see, this is how I find out that my next child is waiting for me.  Mother's who deliver their babies, hear the doctor say, "it's a girl"or "boy".  This phone has become the messenger in the delivery of my four children.  Everytime I arrive home, I check the caller ID.  I do it unconsciously.  Especially after my youngest child passes 18  months. So, when I looked at those familiar letters on that ID and read......Forever Families Adoption Agency....I took a step back and literally stared at the phone.  As long as I stood there, then nothing has changed, right? The moment that I pick it up, I will be thrown into mayhem.  I couldn't move.  My body would NOT walk back to that phone.  My knees were wobbly and the bottom to my stomach dropped.  Benny was playing in the floor in the living room.  I looked at him...

My husband Jerry and I were married in August of 1995 on a very hot and sticky day.  We were ready to take on the world.  We would have it all.....love, family....happiness all the way.    In the first year, we didn't panic when it seemed that getting pregnant wasn't going to be as easy as our parents led us to believe.  We tried a little temperature taking in the morning....counting the days of my cycle....timing whoopie.....we had a few tests, (both of us).  What we learned was that we both clearly had issues.  These issues weren't going to be anything that we couldn't tackle.  Our doctors were confident that we could conceive.....with a "little help". In all actuality, it became a full time job.  Twelve months of inseminations....all failed.  The next step would be a crazy procedure called ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection of eggs, & then IVF & embryo transfer to the female is an effective treatment for m...