Sunday, February 21, 2021
October 2016 - I know what it feels like to adopt a child. What I don't know is how it feels to be adopted. Only an adoptee can know what it feels like to them. It's been a little over two years since I have updated Mommie or Bust. Geez, a lot goes on in two years. I am one busy momma. Busy in a different way than the early years. Just to briefly remind you, my 4 adopted children came from the same biological mother, each as a newborn. This blog outlines this journey dating back to 2011. Check it out in the archives.
These days, my three older kids are either a teen or a tween and quite often, it's an emotional roller coaster in this house. My poor ten year old son B, just hunkers down and holds his breath just trying to escape the chaos. We've grown a lot around here in our adoption journey. Each child is at different points in their journey and quite frankly, as they've grown, they've taken very different paths in embracing their adoption journey.
Two years ago, I won't lie, I was overwhelmed with trying to navigate through my daughter A's pain with understanding life as an adopted kid. Kids are mean, emotions can be confusing. I took a break from blogging since I kinda felt, I had a lot to learn, before continuing. The best way to sum up that time is to tell you in her own words. "Mommy, why do I miss someone in my heart, that I don't remember and who doesn't want to meet me"? My heart broke. I can't fix that. The fact that I couldn't "fix" that took me a long time to accept. A mother want to fix things for her child. Mend her heart. I struggled everyday with saying the right thing. Trying not to say the wrong thing. I crie. She cried. Eventually, I just prayed about it. I started to realize that it's not my job to "fix" it. It's my job to love her through her own acceptance of things and to create ways to help her get there. One day, I asked her, what makes her the saddest about missing her biological mother. She said, " the fact that she is never gonna know what a nice person I am. She won't know that I'm really good at sports". So, I came up with a solution that has really helped her live without that constant pang of separation from her biological mom. We created a special journal to her biological mother. She writes down everything that she wants her to know and all she hopes to share with her someday. She also writes her deepest feelings about why she is adopted. It has helped beyond measure. Sometimes she brings it to me and reads an entry. Sometimes, it hurts, but for her, it helps. It's is helping me too. By sharing her journal with me, she is teaching me what it feels like to be adopted.
* I found this in my drafts on 2-21-2021 and realized that I never published. I’m ready to resume this blog but first, I think this post is really important to share even if it’s 5 years old. It’s important to understand her journey and where she is now.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
This quote has embodies my state of mind as an adoptive mother for years now. I've never found another that speaks the truth of my heart so wholly.
The tragedy for her is the loss of raising her child. The tragedy for the child is the morning the loss and longing for that biological connection. The tragedy for me is that I can't change their tragedy.
The privilege is mine. I was chosen to be all that she felt she could not give him. I have the privilege of showing him how to love, how to BE loved and to rise above the challenges that we have in OUR path. No, I can never take away either of their pain from their tragedy, but this child will go off into the world knowing he was cherished and we respected HIS beginning and we honored his truth.
❤️Mommie or Bust!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
You can't imagine the joy that I have felt this week as my very amazing adopted daughter graduates from 4th grade and is preparing for her next scholastic adventure in the fall. All week, I have watched her celebrate with all her besties, walk proudly up to the podium to meet her teacher and principal and receive her certificate of completing elementarry school, and I have felt her squeeze me so tight in gratitude for all that we've been through this year and, we did it...together. She, born from the body of another and me, one who was never quite sure that I would ever mother something so incredible. This journey continues to widen my eyes day after day with each affirmation that we were meant to be on this journey together. Had I NOT chosen Adoption, this joy would not exist. This pride would not exist. The intimacy between this mother and this daughter......would not exist. That reality is NEVER lost on me. I am so blessed because I CHOSE not be afraid of choosing adoption. This blog is all about my journey from infertility to choosing adoption. But, the best parts are what comes after. By way of adoption, we became US! Our Family.
As I navigate through my first adopted child becoming a teenager, I am constantly trying to find articles about teens and adoption from those who came before me. That said, no two kids are the same in this world of "Being Adopted". I stumbled on to this cool article from AdoptiveFamilies.com, Teens on Adoption: In their OWN words. I found it very comforting to read the thoughts from kids in their teens. My teenager isn't much of a talker, so when he does, I pay very close attention. Lately, I have been assuming that no talking must mean that something is wrong or he is in turmoil. When he was young, he asked a lot of questions about his adoption and birthparents until he hit 5th grade and then he became more private about it. He is happy too respond to his friends when they ask questions. But at 13, he stays pretty private about it., and pretty much everything else in his life, lol. I am respecting that. I guess he's just the typical teenager finding his way through the world of growing up. I guess my point is that, be sure to lay the ground work when they are small. Build their confidence in "Being Adopted". Be that rock for them. They are experiencing something that YOU can't explain to them. THEY are adopted, NOT YOU. Listen to them. Hold them. Respect them. It's not about YOU! Note to self.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
adoption (15) baby (5) Adoption marriage love infertility children hope (4) infertility (4) Adoption marriage love infertility children hope family (3) depression (3) faith adoption (3) adopt (2) kids (2) Adoption 11-11-11 eleven birthday (1) Adoption family love kids children auto accident pain (1) Adoption parenting infant protect (1) Adoption. Kids parenting chaos (1) Birth adoption labor love (1) Bullying (1) Chrysler mini van (1) Family adoption (1) Fathers day thank you dad (1) Hoping (1) Mom kids Christmas shopping (1) Motherhood infertility adoption (1) Welcome ADOPTION (1) adoption conversations (1) adoption. Infertility hope (1) belief (1) birth mother (1) blessings adoption faith love infertility (1) foreverfamily (1) happiness love forgive (1) hope (1) hubby infertility happy hysterectomy (1) ivf (1) journey (1) miscarriage (1) parenting adoption adopt infertility family love (1) peace of mind (1) school (1) swimming (1) therapy (1) vacation (1)