Sunday, February 21, 2021

A mother's love.....

A Mother's Love.....

Is a fuel that enables a human being to do what seems impossible.

October 2016 - I know what it feels like to adopt a child. What I don't know is how it feels to be adopted. Only an adoptee can know what it feels like to them. It's been a little over two years since I have updated Mommie or Bust. Geez, a lot goes on in two years. I am one busy momma. Busy in a different way than the early years. Just to briefly remind you, my 4 adopted children came from the same biological mother, each as a newborn. This blog outlines this journey dating back to 2011. Check it out in the archives.    

 These days, my three older kids are either a teen or a tween and quite often, it's an emotional roller coaster in this house. My poor ten year old son B, just hunkers down and holds his breath just trying to escape the chaos. We've grown a lot around here in our adoption journey. Each child is at different points in their journey and quite frankly, as they've grown, they've taken very different paths in embracing their adoption journey. 

Two years ago, I won't lie, I was overwhelmed with trying to navigate through my daughter A's pain with understanding life as an adopted kid. Kids are mean, emotions can be confusing. I took a break from blogging since I kinda felt, I had a lot to learn, before continuing. The best way to sum up that time is to tell you in her own words. "Mommy, why do I miss someone in my heart, that I don't remember and who doesn't want to meet me"? My heart broke. I can't fix that. The fact that I couldn't "fix" that took me a long time to accept. A mother want to fix things for her child. Mend her heart. I struggled everyday with saying the right thing. Trying not to say the wrong thing. I crie. She cried. Eventually, I just prayed about it.  I started to realize that it's not my job to "fix" it. It's my job to love her through her own acceptance of things and to create ways to help her get there. One day, I asked her, what makes her the saddest about missing her biological mother. She said, " the fact that she is never gonna know what a nice person I am. She won't know that I'm really good at sports". So, I came up with a solution that has really helped her live without that constant pang of separation from her biological mom. We created a special journal to her biological mother. She writes down everything that she wants her to know and all she hopes to share with her someday. She also writes her deepest feelings about why she is adopted. It has helped beyond measure. Sometimes she brings it to me and reads an entry. Sometimes, it hurts, but for her, it helps. It's is helping me too. By sharing her journal with me, she is teaching me what it feels like to be adopted. 
 *  I found this in my drafts on 2-21-2021 and realized that I never published. I’m ready to resume this blog but first, I think this post is really important to share even if it’s 5 years old. It’s important to understand her journey and where she is now.
 ❤️ mommieorbust

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Adoption: Tragedy and Privelege

This quote has embodies my state of mind as an adoptive mother  for years now. I've never found another that speaks the truth of my heart so wholly.

The tragedy for her is the loss of raising her child. The tragedy for the child is the morning the loss and longing for that biological connection. The tragedy for me is that I can't change their tragedy.

The privilege is mine. I was chosen to be all that she felt she could not give him. I have the privilege of showing him how to love, how to BE loved and to rise above the challenges that we have in OUR path. No, I can never take away either of their pain from their tragedy, but this child will go off into the world knowing he was cherished and we respected HIS beginning and we honored his truth.

❤️Mommie or Bust!


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Choosing Adoption: One beautiful day at a time.

You can't imagine the joy that I have felt this week as my very amazing adopted daughter graduates from 4th grade and is preparing for her next scholastic adventure in the fall. All week, I have watched her celebrate with all her besties, walk proudly up to the podium to meet her teacher and principal and receive her certificate of completing elementarry school, and I have felt her squeeze me so tight in gratitude for all that we've been through this year and, we did it...together. She, born from the body of another and me, one who was never quite sure that I would ever mother something so incredible.  This journey continues to widen my eyes day after day with each affirmation that we were meant to be on this journey together. Had I NOT chosen Adoption, this joy would not exist. This pride would not exist. The intimacy between this mother and this daughter......would not exist. That reality is NEVER lost on me. I am so blessed because I CHOSE not be afraid of choosing adoption. This blog is all about my journey from infertility to choosing adoption. But, the best parts are what comes after. By way of adoption, we became US! Our Family.

Be not afraid. Choose Adoption.

My Teen: his Adoption

As I navigate through my first adopted child becoming a teenager, I am constantly trying to find articles about teens and adoption from those who came before me. That said, no two kids are the same in this world of "Being Adopted".  I stumbled on to this cool article from, Teens on Adoption: In their OWN words. I found it very comforting to read the thoughts from kids in their teens.  My teenager isn't much of a talker, so when he does, I pay very close attention.  Lately, I have been assuming that no talking must mean that something is wrong or he is in turmoil.  When he was young, he asked a lot of questions about his adoption and birthparents until he hit 5th grade and then he became more private about it. He is happy too respond to his friends when they ask questions. But at 13, he stays pretty private about it., and pretty much everything else in his life, lol. I am respecting that. I guess he's just the typical teenager finding his way through the world of growing up. I guess my point is that, be sure to lay the ground work when they are small. Build their confidence in "Being Adopted". Be that rock for them. They are experiencing something that YOU can't explain to them. THEY are adopted, NOT YOU. Listen to them. Hold them. Respect them.  It's not about YOU! Note to self.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Adoption Journey: Don't Confuse Your Path with Your Destination!

Boy, that's the truth. As an adoptive mother of four, I have learned through my journey that, the hardships along the way towards your dream, not only are all part of what completes the journey, but what makes the journey worth it.  Adopting children is a LONG journey. It's a never ending life lesson, full of blessings, rock bottoms and amazing surprises you can't fully grasp unless you DO it. You cannot anticipate what it will bring when dealing with their emotions about being adopted. Mine are 13, 12, 9 and my little guy is 7. We have experienced many phases now of kids feeling their way through being adopted. well as our emotions as parents. There have been many a stormy path, but most of our storms end with a rainbow of growth, understanding and acceptance, by the Grace of God. People ask me if I think girls or boys are harder to navigate through the roller coaster of emotions. I tell them, I think it's more about the type of kid rather than the gender. The best advice I give to people who seek it, is that you must keep he lines of communication open with your child. Create an environment where there are no questions that can't be asked. It not simple, that's for sure. 

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