Mommie or Bust ~ A Mother’s Journey Through Adoption

Upon returning home from preschool, I knew that the agency was waiting to hear from me. One comment they made during that pivotal phone call, was that, I shouldn't feel obligated. Obligated???? Obligated never entered my mind. In my heart, that baby belonged with us. You have to remember that at this point, I have only known about this baby for about an hour. My husband made his feelings clear. The only way that I would get over that stumbling block, would be to tell him, that regardless of his feelings, I can't walk away from this baby. He would do it. But at what cost? I value my marriage greatly. No, he would never leave the marriage because of something like this, but I don't want to do anything that would be unhealthy for our well being as a couple. We have been through a lot together on this journey, and I know that we still have great things ahead of us. I set Ben and Amanda up watching a video and headed for the phone. At this point, my heart is begru...

Journal Entry dated November 13, 2000 - When we were leaving the hospital today to bring Jacob home with us, it all hit me.  We are going home with our little boy.  It felt strange.  Wonderful, but strange.  Kinda like when you go through the drive-thru at McDonald's, and as you drive away, you realize that they gave you an extra cheeseburger and you think, "I'd better get out of here, before someone realizes they made a mistake".  Mixed with all of this excitement is a lot of fear.  I did not realize that I would feel this so strongly.  It is like I am getting on an airplane going on vacation and I am full of excitement. Then comes that feeling when the plane is taking off and you are nervous, then you reach a point in the air where the nervousness lessens, but never really goes away.  Then the plane touches down and you are ok.  I am nervous to fall so deeply in love with this little angel, and then something goes wrong...