Go'in Home

Journal Entry dated November 13, 2000 - When we were leaving the hospital today to bring Jacob home with us, it all hit me.  We are going home with our little boy.  It felt strange.  Wonderful, but strange.  Kinda like when you go through the drive-thru at McDonald's, and as you drive away, you realize that they gave you an extra cheeseburger and you think, "I'd better get out of here, before someone realizes they made a mistake".  Mixed with all of this excitement is a lot of fear.  I did not realize that I would feel this so strongly.  It is like I am getting on an airplane going on vacation and I am full of excitement. Then comes that feeling when the plane is taking off and you are nervous, then you reach a point in the air where the nervousness lessens, but never really goes away.  Then the plane touches down and you are ok.  I am nervous to fall so deeply in love with this little angel, and then something goes wrong.  His little blue eyes just melt me.  Mush!  That's what I turn into, a big pile of mush. This parental protective feeling inside is pretty powerful.  I had heard people talk about it, but, WOW. Jerry is mush too!  We had no idea how amazing this would feel. He is a part of us.  He is where he belongs.  He is home. All the pain of the past few years is slipping away.  He is a miracle to us.
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Journal Entry date November14, 2000 - Today was exciting.  Our mom's are throwing us a baby shower next week, so we got to go to Baby's R Us to do a baby registry.  That was a blast.  It was so freeing for me to be able to "shop" for baby stuff without any guilt or fear.  LooK OuT, Mama's on the loose!  We did a Winnie the Pooh theme.  I love Winnie the PooH.  Some of that baby stuff, I have no idea what you use it for.   Jerry goes back to work tomorrow and it will be Jacob and I on our own.  We will miss Daddy.  My brother Mike, told me once that you can see the measure of a man in the way he cares for an infant.  He's right.  I am on this journey with a truly amazing man!

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