Go'in Home

Journal Entry dated November 13, 2000 - When we were leaving the hospital today to bring Jacob home with us, it all hit me.  We are going home with our little boy.  It felt strange.  Wonderful, but strange.  Kinda like when you go through the drive-thru at McDonald's, and as you drive away, you realize that they gave you an extra cheeseburger and you think, "I'd better get out of here, before someone realizes they made a mistake".  Mixed with all of this excitement is a lot of fear.  I did not realize that I would feel this so strongly.  It is like I am getting on an airplane going on vacation and I am full of excitement. Then comes that feeling when the plane is taking off and you are nervous, then you reach a point in the air where the nervousness lessens, but never really goes away.  Then the plane touches down and you are ok.  I am nervous to fall so deeply in love with this little angel, and then something goes wrong.  His little blue eyes just melt me.  Mush!  That's what I turn into, a big pile of mush. This parental protective feeling inside is pretty powerful.  I had heard people talk about it, but, WOW. Jerry is mush too!  We had no idea how amazing this would feel. He is a part of us.  He is where he belongs.  He is home. All the pain of the past few years is slipping away.  He is a miracle to us.
*
*
Journal Entry date November14, 2000 - Today was exciting.  Our mom's are throwing us a baby shower next week, so we got to go to Baby's R Us to do a baby registry.  That was a blast.  It was so freeing for me to be able to "shop" for baby stuff without any guilt or fear.  LooK OuT, Mama's on the loose!  We did a Winnie the Pooh theme.  I love Winnie the PooH.  Some of that baby stuff, I have no idea what you use it for.   Jerry goes back to work tomorrow and it will be Jacob and I on our own.  We will miss Daddy.  My brother Mike, told me once that you can see the measure of a man in the way he cares for an infant.  He's right.  I am on this journey with a truly amazing man!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SHOCK!

Journal entry dated November 11, 2000 - I am still in SHOCK.  Shaking. My stomach feels like I am in an airplane and we are experiencing turbulence.  Today is Veterans Day and since Jerry had the day off, we decided to go hang out with Jerry's parents and maybe do a little Christmas shopping.  We were sitting on the couch chatting when the phone rang.  My mother in law answered it and came around the corner from the kitchen and whispered to me, "its the adoption agency".  She says, "they said they have been looking for you".  I told her to "RELAX, we finished our home study yesterday and they probably have a question for us." I picked up the phone and said "Hello".  The next few minutes, I would be silent and frozen in my footsteps, for fear that I may be misunderstanding our Social workers words.  "We have a baby boy here at the hospital and the mother has selected you and Jerry to become the adoptive parents."  Not sure that I
Read more

Dear Birthmother

I am going to share a very personal letter with you today.  This letter came from my heart.  It is our "Dear Birthmother" letter.   This was a very challenging letter to write.  I was trying to keep in mind how a birth mother would be feeling as she read our letter and what words would comfort her as she made, what seemed to me, to be an impossible decision.  We couldn't possibly understand where each other was coming from, but I felt that there had to be some common ground for us to meet.  The agency told us that you never know what one peice of information may draw a birth mother to you, so we should be thorough and full of detail.  This is our letter. Dear Birthmother, Selecting a future home and family for your child is a very difficult and important decision.  We greatly respect and appreciate your need to know about us and the kind of home that we would provide for your child.  By gaining some insight into our lives, we hope your uncertainties will be relieved.
Read more