Reflection

It's funny, but since I started this blog, I have looked back at the journals that I kept during the years of our "Infertility Wars".   I have found that rereading the words that poured out of my heart and onto those pages, was heart breaking.   It is amazing how far that I have come from those days.  After 2 months of contemplation....we moved forward into the ICSI process.
*
Journal entry dated November 19, 1998 - Today was our first day of shots.  Were getting closer to the "procedure".  For the most part, I am very excited about all of this, but I am struggling with the recommendation from the doctors to selectively reduce any fetuses over two.  I realize that doing so,  will give any babies I do carry to term a better chance, but it is really difficult to imagine having to do this.  All that I can do is pray and hope that the issue does not come about.  Upon going into this, I didn't realize the scope in which I would be tested.  Thankfully, I have great faith in the man upstairs and have been blessed with a wonderful husband and family.  I am very blessed.

Journal entry dated November 28, 1998- Today was the first day of the Humegon shots.  This shot will trigger my ovaries to produce multiple eggs.  Feeling pretty good today.  We are about 2 weeks from the "procedure".  My ultrasound on Wednesday went well and Dr. Ayers says that everything is in order.  Whatever that means. So far, no problems with the process.

Journal entry dated December 6, 1998 -Two days until the  "procedure".  All shots have gone well. All ultrasounds went well this week.  Three of them. Yikes.  It looks like I have produced at least 9 eggs.....whoa!  It felt like I was carrying basketballs in there.  Bulging. I am quite uncomfortable, but nothing unbearable.  Tonight we do the final shot that tells my ovary to release the eggs.

Journal entry dated December 7, 1998 -  Tomorrow is the day of retrieval.   Sperm injection for each egg and hopefully....BOOM....we will have some embryos.  Nervous to say the least. 

Journal entry dated December 8, 1998 - We did it!  My little ovaries made 12 eggs.  Woo Hoo!  I was shocked.  No wonder I couldn't sit for days before the "procedure".  Made our final payment today, bringing the total to $9,500.00.  It is worth it for a chance to have children. Jerry was awesome as usual today.  He always comes through for me.  It's almost 3 years now since we first started to try to have a family.  Many tests and procedures have come and gone and through it all, Jerry and I have stayed focused and never let any of it come between us.  Our marriage has always been our primary concern.  Taking it easy tonight. As I sit here, my eggs are in a lab at Chelsea Hospital being injected with the little guys.  It is a strange feeling.  Now it is just a waiting game now and we are holding on to our dream.

Journal entry dated December 10, 1998 - I am sitting here in the living room watching "Mad About You", and Jerry is sitting next to me writing in his journal.Yesterday was quite an experience.  Our parents were there in the waiting room with Jerry while I was in surgery.  I will never forget the moment that I got to tell Jerry that we got 5 fertilized eggs.....he lit up like a little boy on Christmas morning.  NOW we wait.   We should know something around December 22nd.

Journal entry dated December 16, 1998 - ANXIOUS!!!!!!!

Journal entry dated December 19, 1998 - Nervous.  Body feels WEIRD.

Journal entry dated December 21, 1998 - So Tired.  Confused.  Worried. Going Bonkers.

Journal entry dated December 22, 1998 - BLOOD TEST at 8:30.  Wait for a call.  At 4:01 pm the phone rang.  Caller Id says, pick it up you idiot.  Nurse says CONGRATULATIONS!   You're Pregnant!!!!

Comments

  1. UnknownTuesday, January 04, 2011

    Amy I just love this. What a wonderful story to tell, thank you so much for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SHOCK!

Journal entry dated November 11, 2000 - I am still in SHOCK.  Shaking. My stomach feels like I am in an airplane and we are experiencing turbulence.  Today is Veterans Day and since Jerry had the day off, we decided to go hang out with Jerry's parents and maybe do a little Christmas shopping.  We were sitting on the couch chatting when the phone rang.  My mother in law answered it and came around the corner from the kitchen and whispered to me, "its the adoption agency".  She says, "they said they have been looking for you".  I told her to "RELAX, we finished our home study yesterday and they probably have a question for us." I picked up the phone and said "Hello".  The next few minutes, I would be silent and frozen in my footsteps, for fear that I may be misunderstanding our Social workers words.  "We have a baby boy here at the hospital and the mother has selected you and Jerry to become the adoptive parents."  Not sure that I ...
Read more

Dear Birthmother

I am going to share a very personal letter with you today.  This letter came from my heart.  It is our "Dear Birthmother" letter.   This was a very challenging letter to write.  I was trying to keep in mind how a birth mother would be feeling as she read our letter and what words would comfort her as she made, what seemed to me, to be an impossible decision.  We couldn't possibly understand where each other was coming from, but I felt that there had to be some common ground for us to meet.  The agency told us that you never know what one peice of information may draw a birth mother to you, so we should be thorough and full of detail.  This is our letter. Dear Birthmother, Selecting a future home and family for your child is a very difficult and important decision.  We greatly respect and appreciate your need to know about us and the kind of home that we would provide for your child.  By gaining some insight i...
Read more

My Mommy

Image
Today is a celebration of mothers everywhere.  I am blessed with an amazing mother as well as a lovely mother in law who treats me as if I were her own.  The list is long and endless on how many great things that I could say about my mommy, but I want to share the most important thing that she ever gave me as mother.  No matter what the time of my life or the situation that we were in, my mother always listened with an open heart.   In my mind, I could not surprise her with the level of mischief that I would get into.  I could not say anything mean enough to rattle her.  No sex question through her off guard.  She was my rock.  I am sure that inside she wanted to lambaste me a few times, but she always exhibited great self control.  I admire her for that, because as a mother, I now know just how hard that was.  Through the years, I must say that I challenged her self control quite a bit, especially in the 15 -17 year ...
Read more