"Goodbye Sweetheart"

The ride up the elevator felt like the longest 2 minutes of my life.  The doors opened to the maternity floor and we were immediately greeted by the nursing staff.  They were so excited to see us.  That was a surprise.  Deep down, I guess I thought that the nurses would rather see a child go home with a birthmom.  They were telling us that they had looked at the our scrapbook with our birthmother and they were very happy to meet us.  They treated us like royalty.  Wow!  I think I took a big sigh of relief in that moment.  So, they shuffled us toward our birthmothers room and our social worker said, "Jacob is in there with her and she is saying her goodbyes. She wants you to come in".  This moment, I will never forget as long as I live. She was beautiful.  She had a big, amazing smile.  The warmth of her personality jumped right out at us.  I could see that she must have been crying a bit, but over all, she looked good.  Our social worker introduced us to her and we said a very nervous "hello".  We sat down near her bed.  Of course, this is one of those moments when your brain is going a mile a minute because, nothing in your life has ever prepared you for how to act in this moment.  She pulled Jacob to her face and said "Goodbye, sweetheart!  Your Mommy and Daddy are here to meet you".  She kissed his little forehead and then looked at me.  Of course, at this point Jerry and I are both filled with emotion and crying.  What kind of tears???  All of them.  Happy...Sad...Amazed by her strength and bravery.  In that moment, I witnessed the most selfless act of love.  She told me to come to her bed and she handed him to me and said, "meet your little boy".  As I took my son into my arms, I hugged her tightly and whispered to her, "Thank you!  I promise you that we will take good care of him forever."  At that point, even though, I had just met her, I sensed that it was time for us to go and to give her time to herself.

The nurses took us to our very own room with Jacob and told us that we could be in there as long as we wanted.  They closed the door.  We were alone....with "our" baby.  I looked at my husband's eyes and thought to myself, " he is the only other human being who will ever understand what I was feeling."   A bond that we will forever share.   I looked down at this little bundle all wrapped up in my arms and for a second, I swear my heart stopped.  I could not believe how perfect this little angel was.  If you are a spiritual person like myself, you will understand that in that moment, the Holy Spirit was with me.  I felt it from my head to my toes.  We stayed in that room for several hours by ourselves.  We then invited all the very anxious new grandparents to come and meet their grandson.  It was the most amazing afternoon of our lives.