A mother's love.....

A Mother's Love.....

Is a fuel that enables a human being to do what seems impossible.

October 2016 - I know what it feels like to adopt a child. What I don't know is how it feels to be adopted. Only an adoptee can know what it feels like to them. It's been a little over two years since I have updated Mommie or Bust. Geez, a lot goes on in two years. I am one busy momma. Busy in a different way than the early years. Just to briefly remind you, my 4 adopted children came from the same biological mother, each as a newborn. This blog outlines this journey dating back to 2011. Check it out in the archives.    

 These days, my three older kids are either a teen or a tween and quite often, it's an emotional roller coaster in this house. My poor ten year old son B, just hunkers down and holds his breath just trying to escape the chaos. We've grown a lot around here in our adoption journey. Each child is at different points in their journey and quite frankly, as they've grown, they've taken very different paths in embracing their adoption journey. 

Two years ago, I won't lie, I was overwhelmed with trying to navigate through my daughter A's pain with understanding life as an adopted kid. Kids are mean, emotions can be confusing. I took a break from blogging since I kinda felt, I had a lot to learn, before continuing. The best way to sum up that time is to tell you in her own words. "Mommy, why do I miss someone in my heart, that I don't remember and who doesn't want to meet me"? My heart broke. I can't fix that. The fact that I couldn't "fix" that took me a long time to accept. A mother want to fix things for her child. Mend her heart. I struggled everyday with saying the right thing. Trying not to say the wrong thing. I crie. She cried. Eventually, I just prayed about it.  I started to realize that it's not my job to "fix" it. It's my job to love her through her own acceptance of things and to create ways to help her get there. One day, I asked her, what makes her the saddest about missing her biological mother. She said, " the fact that she is never gonna know what a nice person I am. She won't know that I'm really good at sports". So, I came up with a solution that has really helped her live without that constant pang of separation from her biological mom. We created a special journal to her biological mother. She writes down everything that she wants her to know and all she hopes to share with her someday. She also writes her deepest feelings about why she is adopted. It has helped beyond measure. Sometimes she brings it to me and reads an entry. Sometimes, it hurts, but for her, it helps. It's is helping me too. By sharing her journal with me, she is teaching me what it feels like to be adopted. 
 *  I found this in my drafts on 2-21-2021 and realized that I never published. I’m ready to resume this blog but first, I think this post is really important to share even if it’s 5 years old. It’s important to understand her journey and where she is now.
 ❤️ mommieorbust

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