Mommie or Bust ~ A Mother’s Journey Through Adoption

So last night, my hubby Jerry and I were sitting with Jacob (10) and Cameron (9), watching American Pickers http://www.history.com/shows/american-pickers , on the History Channel.  We all love it.  Jerry is a budding picker and it is great for kids to see treasures from the past.  Anyways.....on the commercials, we kept seeing a trailer for the show that was to follow.  It was called, "One Born Every Minute".  It was a show about births.  They showcase 3 stories of babies coming into the world.  In the trailer, they mention that one of the stories was about adoption and how a birthmother has 72 hours to change her mind.   After the third time that it came on, my son Jacob says, "hey Mom, can we watch that"?  No, I said, since it came on at 10:00pm.  Cameron says, "hey Jacob, don't you think that if a birthmom signs a paper to give her baby away, that she should not have the right to change her mind?"  Jacob did not comment...

I will tell you that since the day that our little nugget Amanda PLOPPED into our lives, things sure changed around here.  Her first year, she was this perfect little angelic bald little baby girl, whom we could not get enough of.  The boys embraced their little sister whole heartedly.....until......she turned 2.  Whoa!  We didn't know it then, but she would become a force to be reckoned with.  I don't mean this in the way that you might think.  Mostly, it was that she was going to be HEARD and NOT ignored.  Until she came, this family was...sorta geared towards....boys!  She  was about to change all of that.  She is what they call a tomboy in a princess dress.  She was not going to let either part of her be ignored.  I won't lie to you, it was tough sometimes.  Her personality was FIERCE.  She has strong mothering instincts and she practiced on the boys, which they did not take kindly to.  As she grew, I no...

It's been a long week.  Many things are going on.  Jacob finished his Travel Basketball Season yesterday, and he got his first 3 pointer in a game.  It was an awesome moment in which I am so glad that I did NOT miss.   Cameron's swimming finished their season last week and he recieved his first 1st place ribbon...I've never seen such pride in his big brown eyes.  Moments to never forget.  My little Amanda discovered that even though there are people in the world that drive you crazy, you can still feel compassion for them in times of trouble.  I have never been more proud of her.  She struggled all year with a little boy that had behavioral issues.  No matter how bad he acted, she would say, "it's ok, Mommy, he can be better, today was just a bad day for him."  When no one else would be his partner, she would step up.  She is SIX.  He had to move to Texas last weekend, because of divorce and was flying alone.  Sh...

I love reading letters from birthmothers.  I thought that I would share this with you. Lifetime Adoption Center recently received this note of gratitude from a birthmother who recently placed with a Lifetime adoptive family: "Thank you for the note. I am doing ok. We said our goodbyes yesterday and it was a very emotional time. I truly love my little girl with all of my heart! Looking back at everything I have been through over the past year and the mess I have made of everything. Seeing her and seeing the beautiful family I was able to create out of it is a double reward. It is amazing to see first had beauty come from ashes! And God is so good!! I of course miss seeing her and holding her already but I have never had any second thoughts because I know that's where she is supposed to be. And the peace I have when I see her with them is beautiful!" http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150120478258719

I have been asked the same question lately, so I thought I would share my answer here.  The question is, "How did you know that you were ready to give up on biological children and move forward to adopting"? That is such a loaded question.  First of all, you NEVER give up on that hope, but at some point, you have to sit down and evaluate.  What have I done to make biological children happen?  How much time and money has gone into that?  What is the Goal?  At the end of your life, will you be content if you are childless?  For me.....I wanted children BAD.  I knew that there was NO WAY that I wanted to be on my death bed, looking back on my life and seeing no children.  When I met my husband...the desire for children only increased.  I could not believe that I had found this amazing man to share my life with. A man that shared all of my hopes and dreams of being parents.  I longed to have children that had a piece of him ...

Hey all.  I haven't fallen off the planet.  Just had some knee surgery on Tuesday and I am still recovering, but doing quite well.  It is tough to keep me down.  I am a fighter.  My 9 year old called me brave this week.  That touched my heart.  They don't see me cry very often, but when they do, it freaks them out a little.  I am always tough in their eyes.  It is good for them to see that I am NOT invincible.  Since I have been sitting still in a chair most of this week, I have had some good conversations with the kids.  One in particular, has my mind working overtime.  I won't say which child, to protect his privacy.  The  child asked me about their birthmom and their birthday when she was making her decision.  He asked my "why didn't she  try me out " for a couple of days before putting me up for adoption, maybe she would have decided to keep me.  That one hurt....

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” I found this quote about 11 years ago, and it is still a favorite of mine.  Love it.

Journal Entry dated October **, 2004 - Getting ready to go to bed. Ha Ha.  This may be my last good night sleep for a while.  The house is quiet.  The boys are sleeping.  Jerry passed out immediately.  How do men do that.  Our world has just been rocked and he can fall asleep in a blink.  My mind is racing and I can't stop it.  The boys waited up for us to come home.  We told them about Amanda.  They were so excited.  They are 2 and 3 years old.  I think they were more excited about getting to stay up than anything.  I can't wait to bring her home to them.  Things are gonna get crazy around here again.  I really need some sleep.  I have been running on adrenaline all day.  How can I possibly sleep.  I called the hospital at 12:30am to check on Amanda and the very lovely nurse in the nursery said that Amanda had just taken one and a half ounces.  Woo Hoo!  No one was awake ...

Jerry and I sat in the hospital room that the nurses gave us and looked at each other.  They said that we could stay as long as we would like.  It is amazing in that quiet time how much it hits you......we are taking this baby home.  It was then that I remembered....I have nothing PINK.  She has to have PINK.  Right?  Then, I remembered that since time was running out on our one year home study, I started getting rid of things that I NOW would need.     We are not prepared to bring a baby home.  Yikes!  My mind started racing.  It is now 10:00pm and we are at the hospital.  The kids are at home with Grandma (thank GOD for grandmas).  We need to get a plan together.  We would need to do some bedroom shuffling.  We need to get the crib out of the attic.  We need to get physicals.  Diapers.  WE NEED DIAPERS. We have to call everyone we know and tell them about our little girl.  The...

Here we go again with the long silent walk down the hallway towards the door that would reveal our daughter to us.  Honestly, when we are on this walk, a quiet solitude comes over me.  No thoughts.  Just anticipation.  We haven't seen our birthmother in almost three years now.  I wonder if she looks the same.  I wonder how she has been.  We didn't get to see her after Cameron was born.  She didn't want to see us.  We were never told why, but we naturally assumed that she was uncomfortable with seeing us that time.  As the door swung open, I could hear her talking to Amanda.  She was cradling her.  She looked at me with a huge smile, and tear filled eyes, and said, "you got your girl".  We chit chatted briefly and then, she looked at Amanda and said goodbye and extended her out to me.  When I took her into my arms, I fell in love immediately.  She was so beautiful.  She looked like Jacob.  I sa...

October 2004 I am standing at the nurses station looking at this sheet of paper that is asking me what my child's name will be.  I can't see her until this paperwork is signed.  Hmmm.  We touched on a name or two on the ride over, but this is a huge decision.  I can't just whip one up.  I seriously thought that this child was going to be a boy.  What should we name her?  I don't know.  We both like Elizabeth.  Nope, that's not it.  He likes Stacy......Nope, that's not it.  Every time I said a name on the way over, Jerry had some reason to shoot it down.  He kept recalling kids from his elementary years and there was some negative thought connected to the name.  I know you've heard people do that.  We all do.  As I stood there, trying to think, my wonderful husband looks at me and says...."you decide.  I will support whatever you choose."  DUMP. (just kidding) That really didn't surprise me.  He ...

October 2004 It's 8:08pm, and Jerry stepped away to get us both a coffee.  It could be a long night.  I can hear so many different sounds buzzing around me.   I still haven't been able to catch my breath.  I feel so nervous.  The nurses are looking in and pointing at me.  This all feels so strange.  I keep thinking back to earlier today.  I was running around all day with the boys getting ready for Halloween.   It's only a few days away.  We had a blast looking for everything that we needed.  They both love Halloween so much.  What kid doesn't?  Jerry and I still love Halloween like when we were kids.  Yep, we sure are lucky to have these two in our lives.  Jerry sure is taking a long time with those coffees.  Where is he?  I don't want to sit here alone.  What if she comes back to the waiting room and he isn't back yet?  That would be the worst.  He ...