Mommie or Bust ~ A Mother’s Journey Through Adoption

 My ten year old is inching his way towards puberty and of course in his mind, I am a dork, he feels that I don't understand him and I am the root of all unrest in his life. My nine year old is currently struggling with insomnia. I don't know what to do about it. We have tried reading and everyone and their brother has a solution for us to try. So far nothing is working. He is a very emotional child and worries deeply about all who he loves. MY grandfather and my husbands grandmother are both struggling with their health, so he lays there worrying that when he wakes up, there could be bad news. He is very close to both of them. My six year old little missypoo is a handful. She is spunky. She of course knows way more than me. Lol.  She is a constant source of drama. All that said, I adore them all, but my little 5 year old is getting lost in this tornado of big brothers and big sister. He is desperately trying to get somebody's attention. When I tucked him in tonight, it ki...

Just a heartfelt thanks that I am sending out to all of my followers. So many of you have shared your stories with me and I feel quite honored. Thank you for the feedback when something in my writings has touched your heart, comforted you, or made you laugh. When I was going through my journey in the early days, I never imagined that down the road, I would meet so many that share my deepest, darkest pain, and yet share my greatest of hope for a family. I am so thankful for a place to share, and for those who share back. I intend to continue to share all that I experience, as my journey continues. I am not an expert and I won't ever claim to be. What I am is driven to be a great mom. I make mistakes and screw things up sometimes, but I never give up. I never stop trying to grow as a person, wife and mother. My son asked me today what I want to be remembered for. That really is tough to answer. Of course, I want to be remembered as a good mother. A good friend. A wife ...

Journal entry date July 2006 -Hey journal, its me again. My mind is racing tonight as my family sleeps. You know how I am. Things get stuck in my brain until resolution arrives. Talks with Jacob have been going well about his adoption. He is 6 now and we have moved to the next phase of sharing and talking about everything. He doesn't ask a lot of questions yet, but I am sure that will change as he grows older. I am trying to not be down about this. I knew going into adoption that I planned to be open with all of them. It is so hard. I sometimes, secretly feel like I want to be selfish and just tell them that they are mine all mine. That they came from my body. Not have to explain all of this hard stuff that is difficult for their little brains to handle. But....that is just a fantasy. I owe them "their truth". I am jealous of Moms sometimes that just have to deal with normal first grader life, not explaining such emotional issues at 6. Experts and adoptees seem to feel t...

If you have been following me for a while, then, you know the name Baby I . For those of you who are new followers, I will explain briefly. Baby I is the beautiful baby boy who was born after my youngest child Benjamin. He is a biological sibling of my children, who was adopted by a wonderful couple that we will call M and M . When Baby I came, we struggled with decision to adopt him. I won't go over all the details again, but if you want to read more about the decision, you can read my three post documentation of the story named "Dear Lord" in my archives. The year following Baby I's adoption by M and M , was very hard on me emotionally. I kept wondering if we did the right thing. My kids were so thrilled that we were having visits with Baby I and keeping in touch with his family, but I could see that it was hard on my two oldest as well. The first few visits were so bittersweet. When I held him, it felt wonderful to have my hands on him.  Sometimes, I fel...

A friend of mine went into labor last night.  It is so exciting.  Waiting to hear all the details.  It wasn't always that way.  I could never begin to know what labor feels like, obviously.  I have listened to many a story about it.  When mom's get together on the playground, they swap labor stories.  It used to be uncomfortable for me.  Never sure that anyone wants to hear my looooooooooooooong story.  Who wants to depress the mommie group?  Not me.  I hear so many moms say that they forget the morning sickness, cravings and how many hours their labor was.  I guess that it is kinda the same with adopting.  You can never really forget all of the heartache that you go through, but the pain does lessen.  When you finally have the ending to your story, then that is when the healing begins.  What you never lose, is the value that you put on parenting a child.  You've labored for ye...

I have 4 very cool children. Three growing boys and one little girl. If you were to ask the girl, she would tell you that, the boys rule the house. If you ask the boys, they would tell you that their sister is Queen of the Castle.  I of course, am the lowly servant who stays out of the way as often as possible. Our little missy was invited away to her grandmas for few days and the boys got big ideas on how to dominate mommies attention for an afternoon. They decided that today would be "mommie and sons DAY out".  I pulled up my bootstraps and we hit the road.  Cooler packed with drinkables and eatables, of course. We started out with them requesting to play games on my IPAD. Normally, that is a NO NO.  Never touch mommies IPAD.  I told them Ok, but I warned them not to breathe a word of it to "you know who" (daddikins would not approve).  As I drove, I heard laughing and boy banter.  If you have one of these things called boy, yo...

Sixteen years ago today, my lovely man surprised me with and invitation to spend the rest of my life with him. I accepted with girlish giddiness, of course. It was a Fourth of July celebration in which we had taken the opportunity to get our families together to get to know one another. We were considering taking the plunge into marriage, family, you know, the works.  I absolutely adored him. He was everything that I was hoping for.  Cool thing was.... he thought that I was sorta cool too. Anyways, he surprised me with a ring that day.    He Chose ME!   We got married two months later. We saw no reason to wait. We had a small gathering for our wedding day....our family only. It was perfect.  The next day we took off for Mackinac Island and spent 4 amazing days in a quiet, relaxing atmosphere.  I really couldn't believe that I had found "The One".  I can't ever find  anything.   I misplace everything.   Not him though...