Mommie or Bust ~ A Mother’s Journey Through Adoption

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A Mother's Love..... Is a fuel that enables a human being to do what seems impossible. October 2016 - I know what it feels like to adopt a child. What I don't know is how it feels to be adopted. Only an adoptee can know what it feels like to them. It's been a little over two years since I have updated Mommie or Bust. Geez, a lot goes on in two years. I am one busy momma. Busy in a different way than the early years. Just to briefly remind you, my 4 adopted children came from the same biological mother, each as a newborn. This blog outlines this journey dating back to 2011. Check it out in the archives.      These days, my three older kids are either a teen or a tween and quite often, it's an emotional roller coaster in this house. My poor ten year old son B, just hunkers down and holds his breath just trying to escape the chaos. We've grown a lot around here in our adoption journey. Each child is at different points in their journey and quite frankly, as t...

This quote has embodies my state of mind as an adoptive mother  for years now. I've never found another that speaks the truth of my heart so wholly. The tragedy for her is the loss of raising her child. The tragedy for the child is the morning the loss and longing for that biological connection. The tragedy for me is that I can't change their tragedy. The privilege is mine. I was chosen to be all that she felt she could not give him. I have the privilege of showing him how to love, how to BE loved and to rise above the challenges that we have in OUR path. No, I can never take away either of their pain from their tragedy, but this child will go off into the world knowing he was cherished and we respected HIS beginning and we honored his truth. ❤️Mommie or Bust! #adoption

You can't imagine the joy that I have felt this week as my very amazing adopted daughter graduates from 4th grade and is preparing for her next scholastic adventure in the fall. All week, I have watched her celebrate with all her besties, walk proudly up to the podium to meet her teacher and principal and receive her certificate of completing elementarry school, and I have felt her squeeze me so tight in gratitude for all that we've been through this year and, we did it...together. She, born from the body of another and me, one who was never quite sure that I would ever mother something so incredible.  This journey continues to widen my eyes day after day with each affirmation that we were meant to be on this journey together. Had I NOT chosen Adoption, this joy would not exist. This pride would not exist. The intimacy between this mother and this daughter......would not exist. That reality is NEVER lost on me. I am so blessed because I CHOSE not be afraid of choosing adoption...

As I navigate through my first adopted child becoming a teenager, I am constantly trying to find articles about teens and adoption from those who came before me. That said, no two kids are the same in this world of "Being Adopted".  I stumbled on to this cool article from AdoptiveFamilies.com,  Teens on Adoption: In their OWN words . I found it very comforting to read the thoughts from kids in their teens.  My teenager isn't much of a talker, so when he does, I pay very close attention.  Lately, I have been assuming that no talking must mean that something is wrong or he is in turmoil.  When he was young, he asked a lot of questions about his adoption and birthparents until he hit 5th grade and then he became more private about it. He is happy too respond to his friends when they ask questions. But at 13, he stays pretty private about it., and pretty much everything else in his life, lol. I am respecting that. I guess he's just the typical teenager finding his ...

Boy, that's the truth. As an adoptive mother of four, I have learned through my journey that, the hardships along the way towards your dream, not only are all part of what completes the journey, but what makes the journey worth it.  Adopting children is a LONG journey. It's a never ending life lesson, full of blessings, rock bottoms and amazing surprises you can't fully grasp unless you DO it. You cannot anticipate what it will bring when dealing with their emotions about being adopted. Mine are 13, 12, 9 and my little guy is 7. We have experienced many phases now of kids feeling their way through being adopted. ...as well as our emotions as parents. There have been many a stormy path, but most of our storms end with a rainbow of growth, understanding and acceptance, by the Grace of God. People ask me if I think girls or boys are harder to navigate through the roller coaster of emotions. I tell them, I think it's more about the type of kid rather than the gende...

My daughter is now 8 and a half. I have told her from day one, where she came from. Every time, she would shake her head at me and say, "no mommy, no".  I kept at it, as always.  Recently, the dam broke. Out poured every why? What? Who? And When? that had ever crossed her mind. Of course this was at 10:30 at night. Way past her bed time. But.....now, was the moment that an adoptive mom waits for. The moment that they let their guard down and accept in their heart just what you have told them time and time before. But today, she stopped rejecting the fact that SHE WAS ADOPTED.  Today, she wanted all the answers. I was prepared for such a moment, as I had been through it two other times with my two older boys. This time was different though. She is a girl and had dealt with the information differently than the boys had. Each experience has been a very unique experience. I will discuss more about the boys in future posts. My daughter was mostly upset about an idea she h...

Welcome to my story. I hope you laugh, cry or maybe find comfort here. Sharing my story has been healing for me. It has brought me amazing joy to share it. For now, I am going to stop here. The story is still unfolding. I will be back. If you are new here, please share this with anyone who is struggling with infertility, planning to adopt, or just needs a good "happy cry". Begin with January 2011: Where it all began. in the Archives.

With all the talk of New Years resolutions, it got me thinking about what changes did I need to make around this crazy houseful of kids, hubby, cocker spaniel with a Mommy who seems to be waving the white flag of surrender....quite often. Still battling my leftover wounds from a car accident, I find it almost impossible to accomplish things the way, "the old me" did. It is an uphill battle everyday. We have had a busy Christmas break and thankfully, here at the end, our parents offered to take the kids for the final weekend before everyone goes back to school and work. It is SO quiet around this house. I can actually here myself think. Hubby and I have enjoyed old John Wayne movies, sleeping in and having full control of all the remotes in the house. Heck, we even know where all the remotes are. Lol. I find myself, even though am enjoying the absence of Chaos, thinking about the kids and what they might be doing. As I scan my fridge, I see the goofy looking Santa...

This is Love Kris Kroeker 2005 dedicated to my child's birthmom I know you love me You loved me from the start I know that you want the best for me I know this because you made a plan for me A plan so I would grow up with my mom and dad A mom and dad you knew would love me as much as you do I know it tore your heart apart to make this plan for me I know it hurt when you put me first I know that you feel the pain of empty arms I know that my pictures are spread across your walls to try and fill the hole You need to know that I was hurting too I felt the loneliness I felt the emptiness when my new parents held me When you were gone When I couldn't hear your familiar voice I was too little to put it into words, but I cried out for you I wanted YOU to hold me I wanted to hear YOUR voice But it didn't work that way Life gave me hurt and loneliness But you knew that your plan was good And that your love was bigger than the pain It would have been so e...

I know that when you are waiting for your time to come for finally becoming a mother, every day can seem like an eternity. Try to remember that there in no ticking time clock on becoming a mother. Motherhood knows no age. When you become a mother, it is forever. If, you don't lose heart through your waiting, your dream will come true. Embrace the journey. It is part of developing the kind of mother you will be. One who will appreciate the honor of motherhood.

When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

The Moment I recall first feeling like a Mom. The moment the light bulb went on for my hubby and I, was at our baby shower. Our son was one week old. Friends and family scrambled to throw us a shower, since our Jacob was a "baby drop"' we had no warning of his arrival. It was such and emotional day. At the end, my hubby arrived at the shower with Jacob so that people could meet him. What we didnt expect was the protective instincts that kicked in right away. We didn't want anyone to hold him. Upon the first request to hold, my hubby and I silently looked at each other and we knew we were in agreement. That was the moment that we knew we were Parents. I will never forget it.

PATCHWORK QUILT Our family’s like a patchwork quilt, With kindness gently sewn. Each piece is an original, With beauty of its own. With threads of warmth and happiness, It’s tightly stitched together. To last in love throughout the years, Our family is Forever.

Mom versus Christmas Present Closet It is my own damn fault. I start Christmas shopping in August every year. Yep, I am one of those. Trouble is, I have reached the point where I need to "get serious" about what I need to buy. With four kids, it can be overwhelming to "be fair", yet get what they want. I have repeatedly done the mad dash from trunk to closet, shoving the bags ANYWHERE, I can. My hubby won't even go near that closet. Says, he is better off not knowing. Lol. He's so smart. This morning, I tackled the closet. With my back issues,it took me over two hours to sort, list and repack in bins for each recipient. Ah...Order can be so therapeutic. Mom vs Christmas Closet.....MOM WON!

"Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying." This is a tough place to find yourself as a parent. We want to teach our children to go out into the world and make a difference. The reality is that they may be disappointed in the reception they receive. Will it discourage them? It discourages me sometimes. I was inspired. Most thought that it probably wouldn't work. I tried anyway. I guess , in some ways, they were right.

This unique day has many different meanings for people all over the world. For me, it marks the day, eleven years ago, when my prayers were finally answered. My son was born. Our first adoption. He is thriving. Yes, he has questions about his origin. We take it day by day and keep it on his terms. I am going through an educational period as an adoptive mom. He is my first, so everyday is a learning experience. I don't want to be one of those adoptive moms who wears blinders about their child's feelings of abandonment and how he needs to work through them. He is having a great childhood, but I realize that, that doesn't take away his feelings or longing for his heritage. I've read that kids worry that if they ask questions about their birth family, it will hurt their adoptive parents feelings. Sad. It doesn't hurt me. It would hurt him to feel that he couldn't VOICE his feelings. That is my focus right now. Being what he needs....emotionally. So, enjoy...

My kindergartener asked me this question this morning while eating his breakfast. "Mom, on the day that I was born, did Daddy's boss give him the day off to come meet me?". "Yes sir", I said. "That's AWESOME", he said. I adore his innocence.

I have spent so much time worrying about staying in tune with where my children are at emotionally in life and with their adoptions, that sometimes I forget to allow myself my OWN feelings. Watching #parenthood this week, I got lost in the scene where Kristina was giving birth and for just a moment, I felt envious. Why? The experience. That is all. Just the experience. I have everything else that comes with motherhood, but I don't have that experience of giving birth. That doesn't make me less of an adoptive mother, but just a realist. Trust me, I wouldn't change a thing. Just curious about the whole thing...you know?

As I have said in the past....my life changed a little over a year ago.  A family car accident. I don't look any different on the outside....which makes things challenging. Most of my injuries were neck, back , knees and closed head injury. Close friends see the differences, but if you didn't know me, then you wouldn't know that my processing center was affected. I forget words that used to flow freely. Short term memory loss. I have headaches everyday. I have nausea everyday. I have confusion. Light sensitivity. Blurred vision. Severe shoulder pain. Hip and neck, thoracic and low back pain. Oh, and did I forget traumatic stress? As if that is not enough, I can no longer run with my husband. No longer play golf with my friends. No longer play soccer with my kids. Until recently, I couldn't really venture out socially. We have attempted vacations, some were complete failures, some just disasters, some went fine. It depended on the level of activity. It has been a roug...